Tag Archives: Back to the Future

LEGOLAND Shitting Bricks Over Adult Visitors

An Editorial by J.M. McNab and Robert Laronde

Rarely do we here at Rewatchability.com get political, but when certain injustices occur, we consider it our responsibility, nay our duty, to take the time out of our busy schedules discussing stupid old movies and TV shows, to make our voices heard. We are, of course, talking about Lego.

According to a report by CTV, an ailing 63-year-old man and his grown-up daughter recently made the three-hour trek from Windsor to Vaughn (just outside Toronto) in order to visit the relatively new Legoland Discovery Center. The man, John St-Onge, had grown fond of Lego having played with it with his kids when they were children. St-Onge who is battling both cancer and diabetes, and recently underwent heart surgery, journeyed to the only Canadian iteration of Legoland, and enjoyed a fun, nostalgic trip down memory la– oh no, wait they didn’t let him in.

You see, this particular Legoland exercises a sort-of reverse R-Rated movie policy: adults not accompanied by children are strictly forbidden. So John St-Onge and his daughter were not allowed in, refused their requests to see the manager, and sent back to Windsor, presumably while the employees of Legoland waved goodbye and yelled, “See ya, good luck with the cancer!”*

* We’re paraphrasing here.

Their website does note “Adults must be accompanied by a child to visit the LEGOLAND Discovery Centre” in relatively small print, understandably overlooked by St-Onge and his daughter. While most of the attractions seem geared towards children, there are still exhibits such as a model of downtown Toronto built entirely in Lego, which would clearly be enjoyed more by adults.

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You can almost see the crack smoke wafting out of Lego City Hall.

Of course, we love Lego too, and would love to visit Legoland– but all of this raises the question: “Who is Lego for?” Of course, the obvious answer is: “It’s for children– it’s a fucking toy, why can’t the twenty-somethings of this world grow-up and stop placing such importance on toys, retro video-games and movies from the ’80s?” (Side Note: new episode of Rewatchability coming this Thursday). Our grandparents didn’t have to worry about whether or not they could get into Legoland, they were busy fighting World War II. And when they were back from that, they were raising families, and working jobs they hated.

Of course, Lego is for kids, right? It’s not like they’re releasing Lego sets aimed directly at adults in order to capitalize on their nostalgia for both Lego and the movies of their youth–

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Oh… Nevermind.

It seems this summer Lego will be releasing a Back to the Future set, with a price tag of around fifty bucks. This is clearly made for so-called adults with disposable incomes and a lack of real world responsibility. It is also clearly amazing. In addition to Back to the Future, there are Lego sets for the original Star Wars trilogy, Ninja Turtles, and the like– In fact, we will probably see more and more children being born to legitimize their parents’ purchasing these products. Think of it like our generation’s Baby Boom, but instead of the end of a war, everyone will procreate in order to sustain their toy consumption without seeming odd.

Clearly then Lego is not just a product for children, it is for everyone, including people who grew-up with it, and who played Lego with their kids. Why then does the Legoland Discovery Centre not simply advise adults that the contents of the centre is mainly for kids, and let them make up their own minds? Oh yeah, creeps. They don’t want creeps there.

Has this been a big problem at other Legolands? Creepy child-less adults behaving inappropriately? Other family-oriented attractions such as the Zoo and the Science Centre don’t seem to have problems admitting adults. Instituting this policy makes it seem as though Legoland would be a hotbed of pedophiles and psychos if it weren’t for this rule– and why would anyone want to bring their family to a place that, save for one flimsy rule, would be full of creeps?

Of course, Legoland has tried to appease everyone by offering a once-a-month “Adults-Only” night. Could anything sound creepier than that? Based on the name, I just picture the Eyes Wide Shut party, but with more Lego. Or people disassembling the Lego Hogwarts and fashioning a giant Lego penis out of the pieces. And “Adults-Only” night didn’t help John St-Onge, who was cast aside like Megablok piece. Until the day when they make Legoland available to everyone during regular hours, adults wishing to visit the attraction will have to continue to do what they’ve always done– ask teenagers to buy tickets for them, then buy them beer in return.

We’re not just outraged as people who love Lego, we’re outraged as Torontonians. We want to go to Legoland, and on a day when the words “adults-only” aren’t involved. Until that day, we’ll have to be satisfied staying at home, playing with our new DeLoreans.

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The Secret to Toronto Mayor Rob Ford’s Success

Toronto Mayor Rob Ford has been making headlines recently, embroiled in a scandal involving a video that allegedly shows him smoking crack. Add that to the pile of other scandals that include: alleged sexual harassment, alleged excessive drinking, and generally being a dick… allegedly. How did such a boorish man ascend to the highest office in municipal politics? Rewatchability.com has uncovered the disturbing secret in this photograph–

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Look a little closer–

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That’s right, Gray’s Sports Almanac.

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Ford’s successes in life can all be attributed to this book;  a collection of sports statistics from the future (well, up until the year 2000, but I’m sure he got it before then), which would have allowed the Mayor to exploit knowledge from the future for his own financial benefit. How did he obtain the book? We can only make guesses at this point– presumably, someone from the future, possibly even his own future old man self, somehow stole a time machine, and delivered it to him, thus altering our reality and creating a divergent timeline.

This may seem far-fetched, but it’s literally the most plausible explanation for how this guy became the mayor of a major city. Need further proof? Just check out an artist’s rendering of the casino Mayor Ford has been actively pushing–

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Of course, all of this implies that we are all living in an alternate timeline that never should have been… but in a way that’s kind of reassuring. If life’s not going exactly as you planned, just blame it on the alternate history we’re all living in… I know I will.

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Episode 35- Death Becomes Her

Academy Award-winner Meryl Streep, Academy Award-winner Goldie Hawn, and the guardian of Nakatomi Plaza himself, Mr. Bruce Willis star in Back to the Future director Robert Zemekis’ 1992 dark comedy Death Becomes Her. And when we say dark, we mean dark; there’s not a single likeable character in this flick, and two thirds of the cast are undead. To us as kids in the ’90s, it seemed both edgy and hilarious, with state-of-the-art special effects. How does it play now? Can any movie that features a cameo by Fabio be taken seriously? Why is Isabella Rossellini wearing a necklace for a shirt? I repeat: a necklace for a shirt! When is it appropriate to stick a candelabra through a human torso? To answer these questions and more we’re joined by our friend Johnnie Walker! Download the episode below, or better yet, subscribe on iTunes!

Episode 35- Death Becomes Her

MUSIC: This week’s featured artist is Wendy Versus

WARNING: the podcast contains strong language and immature subject matter, please be advised.

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